Over the past few weeks, I have really begun to recognize that these planetary movements are shifting something radical in me. Specifically, I am talking about Venus retrograde in Scorpio. It’s hard not to notice when the planet of love, (and my chart ruler) is in her detriment in Scorpio. This can become ‘toxic’ love. “Mine! Mine! Mine!” says Venus. It’s the desire to own, control, possess, have power over. However, what it has done is revealed the shadows of love, of values, of pain, of insecurities, of money and more.
I’ve really sat with intensely uncomfortable truths. A few weeks back, right prior to Venus moving into her retrograde on October 3rd, that shadow came like a haunting of my darkened spirit and deep grief and sadness washed over me. There is a cruel and sneaky old belief that moved between breaths and distractions only to meet me face to face and say, “Remember me?” “How could I forget,” I said distastefully. The sinister grin was the sign that it knew it had me. There’s no running away from this nightmare. Feeling unlovable was the ghost. Finally agreeing to sitting with it was the answer.
I suppose Venus in all her glory really does want to be seen. Yes, she’s in her detriment in Scorpio but she will be moving back into where she shines in Libra (my rising, hence her being my chart ruler). I am no stranger to Venus in a not so happy place when my natal Venus sits in her fall in Virgo. She’s not comfortable there. She questions if she’s doing a good enough job, eating well enough, wondering if all the small acts of service actually matter and if the way she keeps the environment of her home and drawers tidy and clean for everyone actually matter to her loved ones? Yeah, she’s in a tough spot. Now you’re asking me to face the emotional and foundational demons? Ugh. And yet, I will rise to the occassion.
Did I cry for days feeling like I had no rhyme or reason for the intensity of the grief and questioning my own existence? Sure did! What I found was at some moments of this retrograde, I had no words to describe the feelings of the rustling waters within. Seriously, no words. All I could do was allow whatever needed to be moved through to flow as it needed. How often do we just give the space to allow? We want answers dammit. “But, why?” says every Gemini. Pisces, you may be a little more attuned to these feelings.
Then, something gave way. It was almost like the heaviness evaporated into the air and a wave of absolute certainty ran through my being and I had to search out the ones that I wholeheartedly knew would light me up and be the wayshower for my mission I felt with vigorous regard.
In my personal world, I am beyond blessed to have a bestie that’s my ride or die. I pray that every person in the world has a relationship like we do. It has been through some rough terrain, celebrations, milestones, break-ups and even silence but with much dedication, continued effort, much love, pushing one another to be stronger, more vibrant and authentic, we arrive today after over 30 years to be closer than ever.
Venus in Scorpio reveals. What I had the complete awareness and epiphany of a few weekends ago over lunch was this, “You are the person, along with my daughter, that I never want to live without. You are the one that I can be my fullest, brightest, silliest, joyous and most authentic self with. There is no one (other than my kiddo) that lights me up more than you. Thank you for being you and I love you.” The way she smiled and took my heartfelt truth in a moment between crying so hard from laughing and eating a roasted vegetable sandwich, was so sweet, innocent and reaffirming. “There’s no one like you for me either.” And that’s it. There’s no agenda, no big production, no discomfort. Just love and truth of how much she means to me. THAT’S Venus!
There are two other women that have changed my world for the better and are my biggest cheerleaders in my mission. They see the spark. They see the possibilities. They ask, “How can I help?” expecting nothing in return. Their commitment to me, my light, my choices to seek a different kind of life, make great changes to be able to help serve others and do it in a way with ease, with connection and through means that flow effortlessly are unmeasured. These are superstar women. A mother. An entrepreneur. A Capricorn. An Aries. You want to get shit done in this world, get a Capricorn and an Aries on your side. My gratitude and love for these women go beyond what I could ever offer in return but I will continue to do my best for them in their lives.
To have my daughter, this crew of 3, and many others who love, support, and allow me the space to blossom into becoming all that I am meant to, I am overwhelmed with sincere appreciation for each and every one. Sometimes as humans it’s much easier to see what’s not going your way and who’s not being a standup person. I’m not going to do that today as I want this to be the example for you to recognize those ones that tirelessly show up and love, support and help you shine brighter. Send some praise. Tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Heck, use Venus for good and allow her to shine in her beauty with harmony.
While her retrograde journey isn’t over yet, a Venus cazimi (when the Sun and Venus meet) occurred at 0˚ Scorpio for the last time in our lifetime on October 23rd. That 0˚ is a big marker. A degree of beginnings and now an end as Venus wraps up a 100 year cycle. She won’t meet up with the Sun in Scorpio again until October 24, 2177. The 5-pointed star Venus created in the sky will close out the cycle that began back in 1926. The next star cycle will happen in the late degrees of Libra, one of her two rulers, starting in 2030.
As Venus moved back into Libra on October 25th, she sought out harmony once more. That all starts within. Relationships, both with self and others will continue to be the focus. Go inwards. Look at the aftermath of her journey through Scorpio and sift through the rubble to find what’s worth keeping and what’s ready to be let go of. A process indeed, yet worth the effort I promise.
As I write this, Venus is preparing herself for the exit of her retrograde cycle. She went to the Underworld and didn’t rise unscathed. She learned, she wept, she confronted, she accepted, she surrendered and now she knows herself better than ever as she comes into her light again. She may dress a little differently now, presenting with a new air about her. This journey changed her forever. She’s stronger and unafraid. My god…she radiates!
